The Bristol Stool Formation Scale

I just love this. It sounds like a Formation Dance Groups, music sheet.
It reads;

Type 1 Separate hard lumps like nuts (Hard to pass) (Hell!)

Type 2 Sausage shape a bit lumpy

Type 3 Like a sausage but with cracks on the surface (Ive gone off bangers!)

Type 4 Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft

Type 5 Soft blobs with clear-cut edges (Passed easily)

Type 6 Fluffy pieces with ragged edges, a mussy stool

Type 7 Watery, no solid pieces ENTIRELY LIQUID

Who was the poor bugger who was given this task of cataloguing this in the first place, he deserves a medal.

16 June Killing time

Total log 205
0600 Awake, best nights sleep so far! Typical...
0800 Cleaned boat, very hot. Final pics on boat.
0830 Waiting in restaurant for coffee then breakfast. Waiter confused by girls ordering meals not on the menu and talking all at the same time. Need to sort out transport to airport.
1100 Arrived in Primosten to kill time until flight. Girls shopping, boys sitting on sea wall.
1200 Returned to bar of last night to meet girls. Mary and Chris shopping. Very hot!
1300 Stopped walking at a windward restaurant. Somehow ordered Beefburger and chips then got involved in a bidding war which culminated in all having thick tomato soup... How! I don't like beefburgers! Roger informs us that he does like Gordon Brown for the third time.
1400 Picked up by Marina bus. Showered and watched new people take over Draco. The weather in UK is damp.
1800 Journey, check in was accomplished in 30 minutes. Flight was on time. Too good to last! Waited on runway for 90 minutes for incoming aircraft, which was in trouble to land. Then had to refuel and recalculate take off data as there had been a wind shift. This delay will probably cause problems at Bristol International Airport, but I have every faith that their crack team will slickly roll into action and we will be diverted to Cardiff!!!Wonder if Elaine's Paracetamol have kicked in.

Home safe and sound 2330. Great holiday.

15 June Kremin Marina Last Stop

Log 684.1
0700 Awake it is starting to hot up earlier just as it did the last time we were in Croatia. They like their bells here, Mary counted 250 rings. This was repeated later in the morning. Need to select choices from menu for tonight, I don't know what I will feel like then.
1030 Breakfast in the Marina. Briefing SE to Kremic Marina where we finally leave the boats
1100 Wind increasing from 3 to 5 on the nose bashing into the waves after initially trying to sail but abandoned this as it was too uncomfortable.
1400 Entered bay after watching Sanibel go crashing by on full sail. They had engine trouble.
1430 Lunch on dragging anchor then followed the lead boat in.
1500 Cleaned boat very hot little breeze.
Memories - Rog saying 'Over and out' Mary offering herself to the fleet by saying 'Where do you want me' Chris - 'Roger demanding in the race that "We must get the whores out' Rog being asked by a German why he was running his engine when moored. "To recharge the batteries as the fridge was on". Ah he said 'Just like the U boat. Chris borrowing my bum cream after a Mexican Chili. Helping Elaine into her trousers with a system of pulleys and levers 'They did fit once!'
1700 Chara into Primosten, it has changed dramatically. Memories of Cole-Morgan mounting a revolt with past flotilla about high charges. He upset a woman who said she did not like him. She later apologised.
Primosten, Fortuna bar outside, cool breeze, drinking Bavaria beer with team. Discussion about a dinner party where people were checked if they were a complete man. Trevor Helen won being uncircumcised and not snipped. The virginity of the girls posed a problem.
2100 Prize giving. Mel, bowlin mounted on board. Bob, super hero, power rangers. Self, toy radios Rog, Wooden Cup.

14 June Kremic

Log 684.1
0700 Despite moving away from quay, Draco grounded on her rudder during the night.
1100 Bad start in race not helped by boats who don't know their port from starboard. During beat the Kaprijski Kanal girls did lunch. Crisps flying like confetti. Mary at the wheel.
1500 Pegasus were first. We were third from last. Decided not to protest ?.
1800 Drinks on Draco then drinks in the marina bar followed by some sort of Mexican meal in town. Odd place with parrots and junk everywhere.
2100 Bed

13 June Tisno on Murter

Log 668.6
0700 Kept awake by buoy knocking on the side of the boat despite adjusting it twice in the night. Mary missing her own bed.
0900 Destination Tisno on Murter to have a meal ashore. Wind SW 2 clear sky getting hot. Sailing up the west side of Kakan around Tetovisnjak to anchorage on mainland for lunch.
1100 Porpoise sighted by Pegasus. Seat overboard as not locked on and when I stood up from the helm knocked it in the water. Efficiently rescued by the crew.
1400 Finally moored in Jezera bay just outside Tisno for lunch after disturbing Alan at his lunch stop. Pegasus in Tisno. Elaine is re enacting "The" Birds by Daphne de Meuria (s) by feeding the gulls. What was the lead blonde's name in the Hitchcock film and what did Hitchcock have a weakness for? Required to wait until 1500 before entering the marina.
1545 Mary moored stern to using the bower anchor. Pegasus next to a German boat that has laid its anchor over Pegasus. Its a buffet tonight.
1700 Went to watch lifting bridge, only happens twice a day, Met Bob and Laurie en route and he was boasting that his camera was so fast he actually got a picture of Laurie with his mouth closed. He than ran!
1745 Very hot, girls getting their best frocks on.
2130 Buffet meal preceded by a punch party in The Seagull restaurant. Wrote greeting in a visitors book, Min wrote in Welsh.

12 June Sibenik and Kaprije

Log 634.3
0700 Awake, getting warm
0800 Retrieve boat papers, £35 per night.
0900 Briefing- Refuel at Sibenik then on to town quay for repairs to aerials on both boats.
1130 Moored on town quay following refueling, going for walk around town.
1400 Walked up to old fort, lunch then returned to boat. Pegasus has a man up the mast
1500 RR headed SW to round the S end of Zmajan or Obajam. We tried W to round N of Zmajan then down E of Kaprije.
1645 Picked up a buoy in Kaprije Rog still out. Left the shore mooring for him as Min not happy in rubber duck. One restaurant, will eat on the boat. Have been told there will be a dinghy race. Mary drawing, Elaine reading and Mike writing his log.
1800 Raft race me rowing blindfolded, Mary directing around boats then change rower. We were gloriously last after being water bombed by James and sundry. Took nice pics of Mary on the stern.
2100 Meal on board, salad, fresh fruit. Elaine moaning that Mike was no longer romantic to her. Mike says he shows his affection by patting her bottom now and then. Chris asks from Pegasus what we were going to do tonight and we said "Watch Holby City, walk the dog and bed with a book"
2145 Chocolate, coffee then bed, Bliss!

11 June Kirka Falls

Log 634.3
0900 Walked to Kirka Falls with Mike, Elaine, Min, Mary and Rog. Lots of butterflies, dragonflies, birds, toads, lizards and other underfoot animals. Took about 40 minutes, the rest went by boat. Assembled at the entrance and then went for coffee.
1000 Walked to the top of the falls, very beautiful and very well laid out. Thousands of fish, insect and bird life together with frogs and snakes. Lovely! I walked a circular route down over a form of duckboard walk way, some took a boat further up river to a Monastry and some returned the original way.
1100 Met at lower falls and self, Mary, Jim and Elaine went for a swim. Super. Sat under the falls for a water massage and swam in fresh water.
A grand day out!
1600 James said the RT could not be fixed here will try and do it in Sibenik when we refuel. He repaired our deck brush.
1930 Meal in town RR and I have a mutual friend Jack Vokes.
2330 Book and bed,

10 June Kirka and Skrarin

0700 Mary wakes up to a strange noise puts her head out of the toilet window to hear better and gets it stuck. They dont call it heads for nothing.
0730 Elaine getting breakfast. Mike and Mary trying to establish precedence of washing over a Bristol run. Bristol won. Elaine asked the meaning of cojones we thinks its balls.
Briefing. Look out for fort on entrance to river MTB caves and bridges. The falls are 4km away from Marina can walk or take water taxi.
1000 Travelled in concoy to the music of Rawhide.
1230 Lovely run up the river, moored at Skrarin in marina. Lunch with Pegasus.
1330 Mary sorting out RR starter. (I dont know what this means!)
1430 Marina filling, fitted wind scoop then short walk to swim in the river. Hot, over 80 degrees.
1800 Wonder if its feasable to take excursion to Falls then if VHF is fixed fuel up and move to bay. May have to pay two nights fees anyway. Not a great lover of marinas.
1830 Pegasus for nibbles then up the hill to fort for punch party. Photo shoot of all the party.
Suffering with squits aches and pains in back and legs. Beubonic plague or Blackwater fever diagnosed by Dr Mary. Leaching and thin gruel for six months reccommended.
1900 Walked into the Old Town for meal 1333kn

9 June Zirje u Stupica Bay

Log 616.3
0630 Woke, Elaine absent from her cabin, probably checking her Bristol rateing.
0700 Met Jim on the way back from the showers he greeted me with "Another day in paradise" Purfect!
0830 Pick up papers from Marina office.
0900 Briefing, Zirje u Stupica Bay.
1000 Shopping in supermarket, Mike testing bounce of glass with two Bavarian bottles of beer. Drowned Mary. Breakfast and planning meeting with Pegasus, decide to lunch in U Potkucina bay on Kakan.
1200 Gentle breeze under sail.
1400 Arrived E of Kakan, may have seen Pegasus leaving lunch stop. Decided to eat on the run. Very hot SW wind.
1530 Rounded south of Zizje into U Stupica Pegasus already there, they had eaten on the run to.
1600 Plan is to have an early walk up to the castle then early meal with lead boat acting as waiters.
1600 Tea with Pegasus.
1830 Walked up to the fort/castle with Min singing to frighten the snakes. I dont know about the snakes but the noise frightened me.
2000 Good simple meal either pork or fish. Towed by lead crew to boat.

8 June Hramina north Murter

Log 595.3
0700 Awake. Mike reading on decks. This is a lovely day.
0800 Early morning swim then stern shower in the nude. Scared the gulls.
0900 Briefing by RT heading for Murter Marina with a lunch stop off Dugavaca SE of Pakostane on mainland. Weather hot and calm, under engine with bimini up. Passed a small island where a photo shoot was takeing place of Ju Jisu fighters.
Motored E to Drage Bay on mainland, uninteresting and exposed. wind getting up so decided to sail to Vrgada Island to a small bay on NW. Anchored in 2 metres near small sandy beach, swim. Abeam of us is a small cemetery.
1330 Wind picking up from west, sunny.
1500 Broad reach towards Marina avoiding other boats who have no idea of the right of way. Thick black cloud over mainland wind 4-5 Rain may miss us. It doesnt.
1530 Boat papers passed to Bev. Thunder and lightning.
1531 No mention of bowels today, things must be running smoothly so to speak.
1730 All showered, girls getting essentials; beer, crisps etc. Chris and Min in town doing summat. Text from Chris - they have booked a restaurant called Tic Tac for 1930.
1830 Met Chris and Min on the way back from shower they are going commando, no knickers. Hell what do they want me to do about it. I must have a lie down in a darkened room.
1930 Great restaurant Chris and Min wearing their knickers as they were out in public.
2200 Expensive but good meal, Shirley Valentine photo shoot. I proposed to either Chris or Jim I cant remember expect I will find out on the wedding night.
Gossip about Cepheus crew. Mervyn, Lynn, Barry and Lee. Two of these are gay they had a civil ceremony.

7 June Saline on Pashman

0700 Awake, Mossies fed quicker than I was last night. Hot morning. Two boats are leaving the Flotilla. Quay ablutions good. Mike and I got the wrong milk it should be so low in fat that it makes water look like soup.
0900 Briefing in an Ice Cream Parlour. Saline Bay SW of Island. Decided with Pegasus to eat on board. Sailed to mid island through a narrow channel under a bridge.
0945 Mike being forced into a fashion parade. E putting her foot down and insisting he changes his one pair of shorts as his is beginning to smell and people are passing him coins in the street.
1000 Great fun unmooring. Had to release the shore line then jump aboard, Mike pulling us off with the Lazy Line said "We have trouble with the rubber duck! I go forward and it seems O.K. It is tied on the guard rail. M says "Its not tied on! I say "It is, the line is on the guardrail!" "No tother end" says Mike. James dives in and retrieves it. Definitely a prize at the end of the week for this.
1045 Long slow sail then another Laurel and Hardy incident. Tried the RYA approved method of loop over buoy. Finally achieved it will excellent instructions from the helm (Mary), only for Mike to walk forward to watch the rope sink stepping off the tother end of the line. All watched by Pegasus.
1230 Lunch then zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
1400 Leave Gospa, tried to sail but no wind, hot. Elaine is wearing her elephant dung hat, she looks like a mushroom.
1500 Elaine has not had a wee all day, Mary reports that she is regular.
1630 Picked up a buoy alongside Pegasus all swimming, bloody cold at first. RR snorkeling. Mary spraying me with "Aftersun" which is setting like varnish and I am beginning to craze.
1630 Mike and I rowed across to the other restaurant only to be told that they were not opening. They were painting the landing stage so it was another case of Wet Dicks.
1745 Elaine moaning about the cooking utensils... Its a boat Elaine, not a bloody hotel!
1830 Elaine shows her "Unwrap Me" drawers. I lost my appetite.
1900 Great boat meals prepared by the girls, champagne cocktails served and a toast to Auntie Dorothy drunk. Played cards until it was too dark to see then bed.

6 June Sali on Dugi Ortoc

Log 569.6
We owe lead boat park fees.
0700 Awake, some cloud, warm, perfect. Mike snoring in the background, Mary spilling tea, Elaine rereading what she read yesterday, me waiting for the tea to kick in the Bristol Factor, I cant wait to rate it, must get a chart for back of lavvy door!.
0930 Slipped mooring and motored to U Mir, picked up a buoy and took rubber duck to shore. Walked to cliff edge through a camp site then to a sea water lake. Watched donkeys doing donkeys, I miss television and will watch anything!
Min stayed on boat for fear of rubber duck and snakes.
1230 Sailed off mooring then gentle sail to SW of Katina Island for lunch. Bread, salami, cheese, olives, tomatoes and a beer, magic. There was some confusion over lunch spot. RR was not where I thought he should be. GPS fix then found they were in U Cuscica bay through narrows.
Slight altercation as we had layed our anchor over Pegasus but Mikes helming preserved our dignity.
1540 On passage to Sali, is Gracie Fields singing tonight?
1630 Mary moored us stern to in a busy port.
2020 Cocktails then a walk around harbour to a restaurant which specialised in very slow service.
2200 Still not served.
2315 Finally paid the bill 1330K

5 June Magrovica on Dugi Ortoc

Log 551
Awake not a good nights sleep.
0815 The whole mood of the day seems to be set by the quality and consistency of the morning bowel movement. It dominates the morning exchanges. For Example; Elaine appeared beaming from the heads announcing to the world that she had just launched a Bristol No 4, her first firm stool for 2 years. Christ, can you imagine the size of the thing! the coastguards had better put out an all ships warning.
0830 RR rowed over too embarrassed to ask a question re his rowlocks over the RT Told him we only specialise in circumcision on this boat.
0915 Briefing over the RT.
1015 Pegasus and us running up the NW coast of Kornat but out of RT contact, something wrong?.
1300 Moored in Telascica Inlet, Mike decides he can drink beer as his urine is clear. Elaine gets him a gin and tonic.
1400 Answer phone message from John Arrowsmith. Roger Nicholls has died.
1500 Chris asserts her authority re the Bristol Stool Firmness Chart as she is an expert. Apparently No 1 is sheep droppings not goats!
1600 Mary and Mike debate whether the sea cock to the holding tank is open or closed. Mary goes swimming?
1700 James and Jay checking Pegasus RT. Min was sitting topless on the lavy talking to James through the deck light. She then leaps naked into the fore cabin holding a toilet roll over her essentials.
James looked quite pale after the experience.
1720 Min totaly embarassed now, as James is using the toilet and she has not flushed.
1820 Rowed to restauranr, good meal meat meal 700K per boat. Min trying to get back in to Pegasus from the rubber duck splits her gusset.
2115 Very romantic sitting on the boats with the mast head lights twinkling in the stars. RR is looking for Uranus.

4 June Smokvica (Smokeing Vicar)

Log 532
0700 Raining hard but warm, patchy nights sleep.
0800 Rain stopped, girls going to do a 3 day shop as we are off to the islands and there is limited facilities.
0900 Briefing near "Sanibel" (Saniflow) the lead boat.
1000 Breakfast on board, large passenger boat comes in with lots of children.
1030 Engine on and heading for S Tjat then N Kaprije finally SW to E of Kakan.
1155 Anchored Borovnjak Island NE Kakan waiting for Pegasus, tried VHF but nothing heard.
1300 Good sailing then into a crowded mooring in Otoc Smok Vicka. Tried to pick up a buoy but dropped boat hook! Blew up Rubber Duck. Visited by Bev. May row in or get a tow to only restaurant. Pegasus also on a buoy.
1730 First alchoholic drink, a small beer, Heaven.
Quotes ; Jim, "Im ungry! Elaine, "Why are you angry?" Elaine to Dereck from Pool, "We paid 300K for mooring!" Dereeck "We only paid 250K" "Why" said Elaine "Are you an OAP?" "No I'm bloody not" says Dereck.
Jim, completely bladdered trying to recite a poem about a prawn and falling into an incoherent mummble after the first line.
Christ getting a lifetimes supply of testerone when a boat load of Austrians with tatoos sit next to us.
Long wait for fish platter talking to a Cat skipper called Sven owner of a charter company. He only had one hand. He came from Zagreb and raced "Solars" a 23 foot dinghy in national competitions.
RR had a talk to Jay and we are going up the W coast of Kornati.
Girls got lift back and I rowed Mike.

3 June Zlarin

Log 512 miles
Chris has been ill with the squits all night and looks rough. Is this the shape of things to come. Talking of shapes - Elaine told me about The Bristol Stool Firmness Chart. This rates stools from one to six, four being the perfect stool whereas one is like goats droppings and six is like the River of Babylon.
Met Alan and Anna on "Vega" she is Polish and he is Irish, interesting combination.
Briefing and all the doos and donts spelled out by Jay. Girls go shopping for essentials and Mike hosts boat familiarisation on "Draco".
Breakfast of Am n Negs then at 1130 off we go to Zlarin. Weather overcast but warm
1300 S.East of Zlarin stop for a late lunch in a small bay. "Pegasus" rafts alongside. There is a boat already moored in there with plastic bags piled in the stern, bodies? Then in comes another boat with more bags and a tame cormorant on the aft rail.
1620 Moored stern to in Zlarin and prepared for a punch party. Chris is looking better but tired. Someone started to play the trumpet on a boat near us! Time to go to the party. Went for walkabout in the narrow streets before punch party. Punch party under the mulberry trees, met rest of flotilla but cannot remember anyone's name. No alcohol for me.
Following meal back to Pegasus for party, 13 people on Pegasus then invaded by two Germans, one carrying a pepper pot and Snapps, not to be sneezed at!
Snap Crackle and Pop monsters under our boat, what is that? Slept till 0500.

2 June The Off

Departure day and all assembling at Elaine and Mikes for pre holiday libation. Mike checking luggage with spring gauge. Mary worried about weight rings BRISTOL INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT to check weight allowance. Starts distributing various bits to others luggage.
Taxi to BIA in plenty of time. BIA lives up to its reputation and we use half the holiday checking in. Flight 2 3/4 hours went well and rep was at airport to meet us. 40 minute drive to Primosten to meet lead crew. James the skipper looks like Joe E Brown, Bev the hostee looks like Queen Victoria and James the engineer looks irresponsible!
We are allocated 'Pegasus' and Rog Rog 'Draco'. Swopped with RR as he had worked on the Pegasus engine for many years. This caused some confusion in the week. There are 11 boats in the flotilla. The 37 footers are new and a pleasure to board. Mary, Mike and Elaine unpack. Elaine complaining that there were not enough coat hangers. It was pointed out that "THIS A BOAT ELAINE,NOT A BLOODY HOTEL!"
Meal in the Marina, no beer for me.